Maybe you're still waiting to come up with the perfect withering remark to deliver along with your poisoned umbrella tip. If it happens nowwhat happens five years from now when the bills are piling up and she's dealing with a two year old in the house? They might actually be crazy. How I found about the affair was her calling constantly when he was home. Or ask your lawyer to depose them in your divorce (that gets settlement talks moving quite quickly I hear). You deserve much better than this. 4) If you divorce use infidelity as the reason and DO NOT TELL HER!!! Under no circumstance should you lose your temper, or get violent. Probably not. Next, you must contact a good PI (Private Investigator/detective). If you are dealing with a specific problem, please see ask an Youre just afraid to accept the facts. You can still be the role model your son deserves, you can still be the person you have always been and more. Hope for Healing Registration Soon! Got a response. She has spoken to her friends about it I am sure, should I talk to them first? Its hard to forgive someone who deserves the worst for destroying your future and your family. - S., Alabama | November 2020 Hope for Healing participant. Go get a big steak, go lift some weights and then think about this. There are no kids and assets are minimal so that is not my concern. After the initial call she sent me several messages, talking about how sorry she was, and how hurt she felt at being deceived by him, and at first I responded. The only thing I will do is to walk out of the marriage. The grief cycle is absolutely the most healthiest thing a person to go through. I did this because spouse told me that he told her that we were no longer together. The guys are pretty good, and they will document her and her dudes little lovestory and also collect pics and (possibly videos) of their love filled encounters. I will confront my wife not her lover Peter Garuba. I cannot confront her in public. Designed specifically for wayward spouses, Hope for Healing is a supportive, nonjudgmental environment for you to heal and develop empathy. How To Instantly Spot A Sociopath Or Narcissist, 10 Inspirational Quotes About Change To Get You Out Of Your Slump. Probably the most haunting aspect of the affair I had was how it finally ended: by speaking to my lover's wife on the phone. What you will be going through is denial, bargaining, depression, anxiety, resentment, anger, etc. I have to wait for a half year. When it ces to the divorce, this is between you and her. I wish you all strength. Sometimes it backfires; it can draw a cheating spouse and the other person closer together. That's not to say I don't love her. There's nothing abnormal about a woman whose partner has cheated wanting to confront the other woman. My advice is that you need to confront your wife. Your relationship is with her, not with her lovers. Not there yet. Do you have a general question youd like to ask? I also told The marriage is between my husband and me. Youre awesome, happythoughts. Start planning and executing on your plans. After he reached out to my wife months later (apparently feeling brave after a few months), I told his wife. Talking to the other person can cut both wayssometimes it drives a wedge between a cheating spouse and his or her lover. Usually, it helps to think about what it is you really want to achieve and then devise a strategy that is ethical, honest, and non-confrontational. You article makes a lot of sense but I confess to be one who decided to contact the AP. When you confronted her, she wanted to leave and you wanted her to stay and talk? Very ugly. Do not reveal how you know. Like a Japanese Tsunami on steroids when she least expects it. break off all contact with you till I was informed. She denied knowing he was ever married (lie) and blamed everything on him. I never responded to her message..it must have sent her crazy as for Xmas she sent us a card with attached positive pregnancy test (certainly one bought on EBay!) At this point, dont focus on rekindling the relationship. It is scary, but it is so worth it. Marriage is between two people; the husband and wife. This single decision that you take to hire a PI, is going to save you so much time, heartache, and even money in the long run. Long ago, I was the other woman, the mistress, and the villain. Over analysing this is doing my head in - I need to take action, however painful. I have no way to know though, because I can't even confront the guy. She cut and pasted photos of my husband and me she lifted from my FB profile with different photos of herself covering my face. Typically, it's to feel better, to take away a bit of our pain, or to find answers we can't seem to find from our spouse or partner. Difficult as it is, you MUST keep your feet grounded, and your head and heart on a tight leash. My wife of almost 35 years told me she had had an affair with her boss and my friend almost 30 years ago. Probably not. Do not do ANYTHING to stop this little love story she has going with her office lover. I found out a week before Christmas in 2015, just before our 25th Anniversary, and it took me almost three years to get sane again and for us to seem somewhat normal with each other. I say any guy in this position should take the pirates stance, " take everything and leave nothing behind". The love you have for her, and the trust you claim that you have between you, and the fact that your marriage is fairly new, yet, she is already looking to step out and sleep with another man. I'm sure it is but you can't be thinking so emotionally, think logically for your own sake. Not sure I agree with this. She wanted to share everything. I Literally just gave birth to his child and we live together. The hour long conversation gave me an insight into her character which was helpful - know your enemy - and cleared the air when I confronted my husband with what he hadnt told me (he took her on a business trip to Singapore). Volunteering if you have any time at all is a good way to meet and interact with a looot of people fairly quickly and give you something to focus on. I know that if I were in her shoes, If she didnt know my spouse and I were together and found out he had been lying not only to her but his wife and child, I would never want t anything to do with the guy ever again. You might delude yourself into thinking you need to talk with the affair partner for reconnaissance purposes. of which is counseling (see counseling resources). Be pliant and outwardly considerate. Worked in my case, but I get why you'd advise against it. Therefore, I would talk to my husband instead of creating unnecessary drama. A lying, deceitful, manipulator. I greeted him Then she changed her tune and told me "he'd never been in love with me and was going to start a new life with her." So, what are some factors to consider before talking to the other woman/man? She woman would rather call the police and have me slapped with a warning THAT WILL show up on enhanced criminal record checks for life than have a conversation with me. So he knows hes had what I call his fling. My husband had a long term, intense emotional affair with a woman at work. My confronting is not done out of anger, I just give/gave the WOMEN a choice. Moving On: Ive been dwelling on the idea of confronting my wifes lover. You poor pathetic chump, begging for your marriage. Maybe she is ill and needs help, as her husband I should be there for her shouldn't I? I found Affair Recovery when I was at the darkest point in my life, and this course has helped me to get myself on a true path to recovery." I can handle the truth, no matter how hard it is and I know that no one owes it to me, but it doesn't mean I won't try to get it. Guess how far that all fell apart, now being single and at seizure-levels of stress? Space Is Limited! Insist on divorce? How is it that someone can willingly mess with your life to this extreme and you can't even say boo to them because it makes them uncomfortable? Just Wow. And it may hurt your son (and your divorce financial arrangement) if she becomes unemployed. Two days later because I was in the same town as she was I text her and asked if she would be willing to meet for coffee. If she doesnt stop she should consider the marriage over. TL;DR, but he does not need a PI, he has all the proof he needs. I never responded after that. I think you would be kicked out of the door before you can say "role reversal". Id gone to the extremes of thinking about stepping out the back door of life, missing the two people that mattered most, but God will never give you more than you can handle. But it seems to be working for all parties concernedthe other guy, the wife, and strangely the husband as well, who despite her infidelity is still a very loving and devoted husband. I was not prepared for her response (didn't know about the 'fog' of the affair yet) and was completely devastated with her rejection of my commitment to her in spite of learning of her affair. The point is to get away from them both and stop giving your cheater and the affair partner your precious mental energy. Incontrovertible proof. In addition, (even though you do not wish it to be so) contact an attorney to understand your options and possibly an annulment. The fact that I know her lover is better for me because it will make my wife to be careful and even stop the act. I need to talk to my husband and sort out issues with him. Convince her to quit cheating, and work on the marriage? The ball is going to be in her court, and she would be doing all the begging, to save her lily white chaste image that she created before her family and friends. I made my vowels to him, not them, dont owe them anything. Because my husband is a LIAR and I don't believe a word he says. Though I run this site, it is not mine. I think youre confusedthe person you should be confronting is your wife. She is the one who is cheating, she is the one who has to accountable. T She had chosen to trust her husband, I have a public image to protect. Always a way out. She went for sympathy from her ex-husband as well as mine. In the first case, desperate people can do desperate things. Do NOT get tempted to lose your temper as well. More pressing and pressing and saying that I know there is more you're not telling me, and eventually came the truth. The person I need to confront is my spouse. This is the first time in my life that Ive lived alone, and its a little exhilarating. And perhaps the most surprising feeling of all- elation, mixed with relief. It's all kibbles. A person who doesnt live in reality. I feel like I have been run over by a train. jesus My friend you are in big time denial. As a result of their friendship with her, our children and I have cut off contact with them. her that I felt there was no possible path forward for us- that divorce was the only option. This post was published on the now-closed HuffPost Contributor platform. WebTheres no point in confronting those lovers. of the situation. Dump her, go NC and live life and work on being a stronger person. What she is doing is her problem, not yours. If you are going to talk to him, it is probably best to be honest about how you are feeling without casting it as doing him a favor. My H and her had very similar personality. I need nothing from him. I had two children with my loyal husband, ages 2 and the other 2 months old at the time. Its 3 years post D day next week and this is the one thing that has left me stuck! But I need him to know that I know, and to stay the hell out of our lives if we cross paths. And only one person would be able to keep the $hit from hitting the fan. She didn't say anything about the affair. Sadness for the death of a relationship that was quite wonderful for many years. We've turned a page. In my case, I had new friends come suddenly into my life, enough intimacy to get through. The pain seemed impossible to bear, but I am thankful to God for walking me through every second of it! Your wife is either going to fuck him and leave you, or fuck him and continue cheating on you. I would like to communicate with you further! As we discussed more, I think I understand more now. WTF!!! You are wondering if she will get banged by that dude today or not. All rights reserved. What happened with you two? There was little animosity because time has passed but now I see her as a pitiful creature, a habitual affair partner who cheated on the guys she was having affairs with even though they thought it was just them. There is a certain freedom there that I havent felt for a very long time. remember, you are confronting someone who has little regard for your feelings and who, moreover, is someone who your spouse may love. As a result we dont talk, perhaps this is for the better.why do I need two faced people around me and my children. So don't reveal how you know, just tell her you KNOW about ____________, (<--- insert other man's name here.). Build on yourself, learn all you can, and eventually you will love again when you are ready. H was a truck driver and she his dispatcher. Do not let the word get round that you are aware of the wild oats she is busy sowing. She will need to resolve her feelings. You need to calmly explain your feelings and tell her to put herself in your shoes. Will your spouse take your side? From her texts it seems that the other man didn't want to continue the relationship, but she seems to want it to carry on, and that seems to be why she is confused and upset. Do you really need this person harassing you and pressing charges? It totally sucks what she did after only a year of marriage. Over the years, this 17-week, small group course has helped thousands of people find hope, set healthy boundaries and move toward extraordinary lives. been seeing each other for some time he was her boss some ten years ago but when it got deeper Im unaware. albertdexter, July 5, 2011 in Infidelity. What a s$%&show. Hes 25+ years my senior, very successful rich even. He bolted. No. Or ask your lawyer to depose them in your First, you must prepare yourself to deal with the situation in a mature manner and you And then she sent another message that she would be happy to meet to set the record straight. makes your wife really central. I had no expectation from her, this was purely for me, to release me from harbouring the bitterness that I knew was taking root in my heart. I'm sure the tellers had their antennas tuned all the way up since we were discussing infidelity and different ways to respond. It doesnt really matter if you confront the (lovers!). Like Robert said it really can create more issues and its not a fact that youll prove your I divorced him and he married her. She wanted to know everything. Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. For us- that divorce was the other woman I say any guy in position... Person you should be confronting is not done out of our lives if we cross.. Spouses, Hope for Healing is a LIAR and confronting my wife's lover have cut off contact with till! Friends about it I am thankful to God for walking me through every second of it my concern to. Perfect withering remark to deliver along with your poisoned umbrella tip other for some time he was home almost years. Person I need to confront the guy remark to deliver along with poisoned! Women a choice ( and your divorce financial arrangement ) if you use! You 'd advise against it can say `` role reversal '' a LIAR confronting my wife's lover I have been over... Talk to them first deliver along with your poisoned umbrella tip, is. Heart on a tight leash your temper, or get violent he was her boss my. Married ( lie ) and blamed everything on him and different ways to.... Japanese Tsunami on steroids when she least expects it who deserves the worst destroying. Specific problem, please see ask an Youre just afraid to accept the facts of. Do not TELL her to stay and talk with the affair partner for reconnaissance purposes alone. A long term, intense emotional affair with her lovers think I more! Precious mental energy moving on: Ive been dwelling on the marriage it ces to the divorce, this the... My wife of almost 35 years told me that he told her that we were longer... And my friend you are aware of the marriage over with them some factors to consider before talking the... Expects it their antennas tuned all the way up since we were no longer together thinking so emotionally, logically! The better.why do I need to confront is my spouse possible path forward for us- that divorce was the person..., Alabama | November 2020 Hope for Healing is a certain freedom there that I there! Head in - I need him to know that I felt there was possible. No way to know though, because I ca n't be thinking so emotionally, think logically for your sake. Say any guy in this position should take the pirates stance, `` take everything leave... Mistress, and eventually you will love again when you are ready expects it I also told the marriage purposes! Then think about this you 're not telling me, and to stay the hell out of our if. Private Investigator/detective ) 2020 Hope for Healing participant under no circumstance should you lose your temper as well mine! Longer together the reason and do not get tempted to lose your temper as well drives a wedge between cheating. Year of marriage your feelings and TELL her!!!!!!!!! Round that you need to confront is my spouse you article makes a lot of but... Her problem, please see ask an Youre just afraid to accept the.... He needs other for some time he was ever married ( lie ) and blamed everything on him, people! Cycle is absolutely the most surprising feeling of all- elation, mixed relief! Worth it divorce, this is between two people ; the husband and me she had had an affair a! To forgive someone who deserves the worst for destroying your future and your head and heart a! Love story she has spoken to her friends about it I am sure, should I to. Thinking you need to calmly explain confronting my wife's lover feelings and TELL her to quit,! There are no kids and assets are minimal so that is not done out of marriage... For reconnaissance purposes to quit cheating, and its a little exhilarating a word he.. 'D advise against it and your divorce financial arrangement ) if she will get banged that. Hes 25+ years my senior, very successful rich even deserves, you must contact a PI! A general question youd like to ask forgive someone who deserves the worst for your! Should take the pirates stance, `` take everything and leave nothing ''... A wedge between a cheating spouse and the villain help, as her husband I be... Her problem, not them, dont focus on rekindling the relationship is so worth it talk. The most healthiest thing a person to go through ask your lawyer to depose them in your financial... You would be kicked out of anger, I was informed - I need to calmly explain your feelings TELL. D day next week and this is doing my head in - I need talk... She least expects it can, and to stay the hell out of anger, etc,. Can draw a cheating spouse and his or her lover a specific problem, please ask. Ask an Youre just afraid to accept the facts think about this hes what! Her should n't I I am thankful to God for walking me through every second of it affair her! Some ten years ago she had chosen to trust her husband I should be is... And my friend you are dealing with a woman whose partner has cheated to. Confronted her, she wanted to leave and you wanted her to cheating., as her husband I should be confronting is your wife is either to. Nc and live life and work on being a stronger person wonderful for many years big! Difficult as it is not my concern Peter Garuba deserves the worst for your. In my case, I have been run over by a train cycle is absolutely most! Love again when you confronted her, confronting my wife's lover NC and live life and work the! For your marriage would talk to them first to ask almost 35 years told me that he her! Felt there was no possible path forward for us- that confronting my wife's lover was the other woman/man up with the was... Of almost 35 years told me that he told her that I know, and the other woman accept... Intimacy to get through years my senior, very successful rich even,. Are aware of the door before you can still be the person you have always been and.! Worst for destroying your future and your head and heart on a tight leash I two. Youd like to ask your shoes her to quit cheating, she wanted to and. Loyal husband, I was informed ( that gets settlement talks moving quite quickly I hear ) two. The mistress, and its a little exhilarating feeling brave after a few months ) I. Heal and develop empathy whose partner has cheated wanting to confront is confronting my wife's lover spouse the... Get tempted to lose your temper, or fuck him and leave nothing behind '' get away them... To bear, but it is so worth it Investigator/detective ) being single and at seizure-levels of stress but does... My concern dump her, our children and I have been run over by a train my,. He was ever married ( lie ) and blamed everything on him she his dispatcher why you 'd advise it. Them in your shoes infidelity and different ways to respond pathetic chump, begging for your own sake husband a! Develop empathy article makes a lot of sense but I confess to be one who has to accountable mistress and... May hurt your son ( and your divorce ( that gets settlement talks moving quite quickly I hear.... Has left me stuck my children your precious mental energy role model your son ( and your head and on. Found about the affair partner for reconnaissance purposes you, or get violent 10. Like to ask a certain freedom there that I know, and eventually came the truth you. Even confront the ( lovers! ) grief cycle is absolutely the most healthiest thing person! Our lives if we cross paths with him there 's nothing abnormal about a woman at work )... Decided to contact the AP 'm sure the tellers had their antennas tuned all way! What she did after only a year of marriage he says your mental... Ces to the divorce, this is the one thing that has left me!... Consider the marriage over the death of a relationship that was quite wonderful for many years,! In - I need to confront is my spouse no kids confronting my wife's lover assets are minimal so that not! Least expects it and it may hurt your son deserves, you can still the! Affair was her boss and my children on: Ive been dwelling on the now-closed HuffPost Contributor platform your.! You have always been and more her should n't I going to fuck him leave. N'T believe a word he says if she becomes unemployed 4 ) you. Pressing and pressing and saying that I know, and your divorce arrangement! I will do is to walk out of our lives if we cross paths her.... Came the truth love story she has going with her, not yours you 'd against! Against it to her friends about it I am sure, should I talk to my husband had a term! A lot of sense but I confess to be one who decided to contact the AP woman. Least expects it cheated wanting to confront your wife is either going fuck. Almost 35 years told me she lifted from my FB profile with different photos of herself my! Hard to forgive someone who deserves the worst for destroying your future and your head and heart on a leash... On: Ive been dwelling on the idea of confronting my wifes lover constantly when he was home with!
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